I didn’t want to create a scene. My mouth opened and closed like some pathetic fish with a hook stuck in its mouth. I tried not to stare too hard at my reflection but the change was alarming. My eyes were taking it all in. Who am I kidding? They were bulging out of my head in disbelief. Did I actually spend money for this?!
Some of you are probably thinking that I had a face lift. No, I’m too scared to go under the knife.
Others are snickering that it must be a case of Botched Botox. No, although I was partially paralyzed.
A few are putting their money on a really bad haircut. Oh, if only it were that easy. Hair grows back.
My glaring mistake was getting a new pair of eye glasses.
At first this seemed like a good idea. I was overdue for an eye exam. My old pair was falling apart and I needed a little boost reading the newsprint. I wear contacts most of the day so I put off getting new glasses. I also don’t have a face that looks good in glasses. My eyes are too close together and my bony nose makes it hard to find a comfortable pair.
A funky pair of chunky, multi colored plastic frames caught my eye but I chickened out and opted for a non-descript light weight pair. I was pumped up that I got a purple color. That was about as fashion forward as I was willing to go.
When I popped into the office to pick them up, the optician with a heart shaped face, perfect for wearing glasses, greeted me enthusiastically. She was sure that I was going to love them. I eagerly put them on and looked around the room. Everything looked brighter and so much more in focus. I was initially thrilled.
“They’re so light. I can see so much clearer. I love them!” I exclaimed.
She was delighted that I was delighted and enthusiastically grabbed a mirror and held it in front of my face. I must have inadvertently gasped out loud. People in the waiting area turned and stared.
“Is everything OK?”’ asked the young optician. Her unlined eyes widened behind her hip glasses.
I scrambled for the appropriate words.
“Oh my god this is such a big…. CHANGE!” I blurted out.
“Yes, these glasses are much more stylish.” She said agreeably.
Stylish was not the CHANGE that I was taking about. Along with everything else that came into crystal clear focus, every line on my face appeared to be magnified tenfold. No, make that a hundredfold.
“I didn’t get magnifiers by mistake did I?” I asked hopefully.
“I don’t think so. “ She said, scanning the order form. “No, you are corrected for the clearest distance vision with a slight modification for reading. You also have the transition lens that will turn darker in the sunlight.”
That was uplifting. On top of everything, and is if the bright halogen office lights were not bad enough, now I had to walk out into the glaring sunlight.
I took off the new pair and put on the old pair. Magically the deep lines and crevasses disappeared.
I put the new glasses back on. There was no sense going backward especially after I just spent a small fortune on the new pair.
Suddenly the expression seeing the world (and myself) through rose colored glasses took on a whole new meaning. I started to laugh, deep hee-hawing laughs. So what? People were already staring.
The best strategy was to look on the bright side. At least the new glasses would turn dark and cover my crow’s feet when I walked outside.