I should have been stronger. I should have pushed him away. I should have forced myself to just say NO!
But alas, I’m a sniveling weakling. I succumbed to his seductive charm.
No one had to sell me on him. I didn’t need to read the juicy details of his on line bio. In fact, and I’m proud of this fact, this was not an online love affair. It happened the good old fashioned way. He just happened to cross my path.
Call it fate, serendipity or just plain dumb bad luck. No, wait, let’s call it what it is, menopause. Because that’s exactly what made me pause.
There I was suffering through another hot flash as I dashed through the store, trying to finish my last minute Christmas shopping. I had no intention to “pick up” anything for myself. That would be selfish, if not downright immoral. I whipped my coat off and wiped my flushed face with some holiday tinsel that was hanging off a shelf. Suddenly, something caught my attention. I gazed up and was swept away by his magnetic aura and the sheer magnificence of his size. Anyone who says size doesn’t matter is just full of it. I knew right then and there, that I had to have him, all of him.
I pictured us languishing for hours on my cushy king size bed in my bedroom. There was so much for us to do, learn and explore. I could get a small refrigerator, like the one I had in my dorm room, sign up for Stop N Shop home delivery, and live there forever, or at least through the end of our AARP days. Just the two of us.
But, there was one minor snag with my hot flash induced fantasy. I share my king size bed and my bedroom with my Big Irishman, hubby, light of my life, ball and chain. He is very old fashioned and he truly believes in a monogamous relationship. How could I sell him on this crazy idea? That we could make an amazing threesome.
I wondered if I could sneak my new crush home, hide him in the boudoir and surprise hubby? But that would never work. First, he was just too big to hide. Second, there are just some lines that once you cross, there’s no coming back from.
Being the good Catholic girl that I am, lapsed for 30 years and all, I confessed. I blurted it all out.
It was a moment of weakness.
I just couldn’t resist.
Although I swore it would never ever happen to me, it did, and there was no unringing that bell.
Naturally, The Big Irishman balked that the arrangement was out of the question and that it would ruin our relationship. But I can be very convincing when I really, really want something. I flat out insisted that he keep an open mind. To try it, and afterwards, if he still wasn’t convinced then I’d dump my muse.
Luckily, I’m not a complete hormone depleted fool. The salesman assured me that if I changed my mind, I had 30 days to return the 46” class, smart 3D, ultra-thin, high resolution, flat screen TV.
No buyer’s remorse for me.
Much to my amazement, The Big Irishman, took to him like whip cream on hot cocoa.
Who says that three’s a crowd?